I cant help but dream of the sun the sand and the sea. esp now when i'm cooped up indoors in front of desk, faced with piles of notes and stacks of study material.  the above was taken in tioman when i was there in june.  and this is the maldives. see how incredibly clear the water is? perfect for diving. i was not made for sitting for long stretches of time. right now i'm standing up n typing cos i dun want my butt to go all numb frm being stuck to my chair for too long. i long to be outdoors, as far as possible frm my notes. and since i'm s'posedly 'hydrophilic' n water-loving, i'd preferably be swimming/diving/splashing ard in this dream of mine. we're on this roller coaster ride hold on i'll stay here by your side we head up to the sky then fly back down reaching out
oh man... maldives has up to 50metres visibility! tt's more than twice tt of tioman... i cannot imagine... complex numbers mess up my brain.
"I didn't know tortoises cld talk," he said. "they can't," said the tortoise. "read my lips." "u haven't got lips," he said. "no, nor proper vocal cords," agreed the tortoise. today was the earliest i've ever ended sch (not counting the half-days wif celebrations which i dun attend anyway) - 12pm! nair was kind enuff to let us off at 10 instead of making us suffer 3hrs of bio. if onli lit had been at 10. then i cld haf gone home earlier n missed getting SOAKED in the rain. it's time for me to begin making gd use of my time. but... so glad pw's DONE done done done. . . . still haf oral presentation tho. meaningless stuff. rain rain rain rain rain cant wait cant wait cant wait broken record.
if there's realli no gp tmr, i haf 2 choices: stay for chem lect after break, or leave st after lit and skip chem lect. shld haf ponned on mon. the rest of this wk doesn't seem pon-able, wif bio and chem stuff... chem ended so late i had to miss dance. damn. who can guess wat i'd rather go for...? brought my shoes n stuff for nth! spent AGES trying to do a stupid trigo qn. eventually proved it - well actually farah did but i found a crucial mistake, n led to the eventual solving haha, but... if it had come out during an exam, i wldn't be able to solve it. in a state of panic. now reading complex no.s lit = dead bio has undergone translation of 10,000 miles out of my head chem has been lysed see how everyth is mixed up
i feel so accomplished. finished photosyn tut and qn 1-9 of diff tut! ahahahaha 'after promos' is fast becoming 'afterpromos'. one word. afterpromos this, afterpromos that... so near and yet so far
i'm realli in no mood to study. totally screwed for promos. watching the reformed muggers r a health hazard. differentiation fries my brains. so dreadfully boring and repetitive. elsie was saying she dint enjoy Amath in sec sch until differentiation; and i was, like, i enjoyed A-math till we began learning diff. integration is even suckier. wat is the pt of learning logs n integration etc unless we plan to be mathematicians in the future? i dun see how it's gonna help much in, for example, medicine: 'the log to base ten of the number of cancerous cells in this body is 327'??? i'm sure tt's gonna be real helpful to the patient. if PW is realli gonna be scrapped next yr (and according to elsie it is), then i'm so gonna kill the MOE ppl. how DARE they make us go thru all this torture while the next batch gets to skip PW altogether. y issit always our yr tt's so unlucky.
Lit is totally untouched. math is only a fifth done. bio i can't rmb. chem i detest and can't rmb. ARRGH 10 days to go till the first paper. 18 days to go till the beginning of the END (the end is when results come out). at least in btwn i've got tioman to look forward to. i can't bring myself to study. wasting my life away...
now i've got fins, a snorkel and mask. next: dive computer. wetsuit. regulator. BCD. After promos: Oct 7, 7.30pm - Oct 9, 10.30pm : going to Tioman Island for Advanced Open Water! going wif yy2, 4 lawyers (who'll be taking Open Water, i think) and 2 instructors. gonna do 6 dives at max 30metres: deep water dive, navigation, night dive, underwater photography and wreck(or dive propulsion vehicle or fish ID). can't wait till after promos. after promos after promos after promos. before promos: shld start on maths n lit, but somehow i can nvr bring myself to start on lit way before the paper. i always end up reading the text hurriedly and panicky-ly the day before the exam. and math is the last paper (for lit ppl) - it seems like wed (bio) is the last day, not thurs. why is math always the last paper? for SC, tt is. i seem to rmb A-math being the final paper for several exams. i wld nvr have the momentum to continue mugging for math, cos math is smth u can' memorize/study for really. in an attempt to stress myself out: Thurs 29: GP Fri 30: PC (why so soon after gp!!??) Sat 1: mugmugmug Sun 2: mugmugmug Mon 3: Chem and Lit (why why why why together?) Tues 4: NOTHING (why not move lit or chem here!!??) Wed 5: Bio Thurs 6: Math - END END END the day After Promos...
things that go bump in the night... - leg kicking wall - encyclopedia toppling due to nocturnally active arm - falling off the bed - smth else... ? this morning was discussing the lantern festival wif yy2. she was saying nj is gonna have a celebration at 6.30 this evening and i was like, 'hey - rj doesn't haf!' then in sch jessica asked me whether i was gonna attend the celebrations/smth liddat at 7 (?) tonite and i said, 'huh? wat celebrations? got meh?' see how blur i am abt sch stuff? i just go to sch, attend lessons in a haze and leave without processing any info. i can rmb wat i did this morning b4 sch and after, but in btwn... anyway this morning when leaving the house wif yy2 she remarked tt it was gonna rain. i looked out the window and the sky was blanketed with grey - in the horizon there was this distinct line btwn the grey clouds n the normal-looking sky. then i thot it might not rain till i gto to sch so i told yy2 i wasnt gonna bring an unbrella. it started raining the moment i left the cover of the corridor. bleh. on the bus it was raining so heavily. i was hoping against hope tt it wld stop the moment i arrived in sch, but when it comes to weather i haf 'no manner of luck at all' (yy2: guess who said it!). when i want the sun, it rains. when i dun wan the rain, it rains. when i want rain, it shines. luckily there was a girl wif foresight who brought an umbrella who took the same bus as me. she shared her umbrella wif me and so we trudged into sch. on the way passed jason who was going to fetch hongyun wif an umbrella and he asked me why i dint go rescue him instead of having to walk all the way out of sch to the bus stop himself. 1. i dint haf an umbrella. 2. i dint even see him at the bus stop cos my glasses were all fogged up frm coming out of the aircon bus. haha. i really must put an umbrella in my bag at all times. this has happened many times: i bring an umb on the day it doesn;t rain; the next day, i extract the umb from my bag and leave it at home, and it is precisely on tt day tt it rains. just my luck. then i was in sch n i dun rmb wat happened. after sch i waited ages for the bus as usual. finally fell asleep. when i'd gotten onto the bus, tt is. when i awoke frm my doze my rite side was incredibly warm frm having the sun shine on it all the way home. this morning my left side got drenched; in the afternoon my right side baked. yin and yang. hahahahaha this wk has rushed by much too quickly for my liking. right now: there's some lantern festival celebrations going on downstairs. lim swee say (he with the strange looking hair and the daughter wif the red cheeks [ no offence, shu]) is the guest of honour. he always is for this sorta thing in this area. celebrities who want sympathy
*banging my head 'gainst the wall i realli thot dance starts this wk. since sept hols over alr, i thot major exams were also over so i went for dance. i spent half an hour prancing ard in my rm practicing the steps to make sure i hadn't forgotten them; i did grand battements and pirouettes and went thru even the adage and grand allegro which left me all sweaty and hot. and i'm pretty sure the ppl in the opposite flats saw me dancing ard in front of the window. all tt, then i changed and took the bus all the way there only to realize tt, being the total forgetful idiot tt i am, the majors were still going on for the rest of this wk. = no dance. so i had to travel all the way home, feeling silly and having wasted my time and energy. typical sch day. dun realli rmb wat happened during gp and lit and math and bio. altho b4 gp the entire clas dint noe where to go. tried calling mr ng but his phone was conveniently off. others kept asking me 'where's gp?' n i of course kept answering 'dunno'. eventually we all gathered outside lt2 cos someone said most likely to be at lt2. turned out to be sem rm 10 so we all trooped over there. vaguely rmb tt we haf to finish resp and tpt tut by tmr? oh, and some quiz or another. but since it's s'posed to be a pop quiz, why shld i study for it? i shld pretend to be realli surprised n dismayed tmr n go ahead and fail the quiz. going to eat watermelon now. :-p
tap on your shoulder
... fortunately i did not study for the lit test today. i dint even read conrad - unless to 'read' means flipping thru the pages and reading two or three words every ten pgs? who cares wat publication heart of darkness first appeared in? for the first time in wat has gotta be ages, i did my best to stay awake during bio lect, and managed pretty well. i figured if i actually listen during the lect, i wont need to spend so much time studying photosyn. pe: i dint bother to change into pe u, which was lucky cos it started raining and there was no pe in the end anyway. chem spa: 'the horror! the horror!' i made silly mistakes - 1. forgot to swirl after adding FA3. 2. forgot to put rubber tube into the inverted burette 3. pressed wrong button on stopwatch 4. did not top up the burette with water after the first expt. result - had to repeat many times. fortunately i did skill d (most of it) first so i had enuff time n dint realli need to rush. after sch: did some of the bio tut. haven't done the resp struct n essays, and i still haf the transport essays to do. i doubt she'll be able to go thru all tt tmr anyway. after promos: hoping i'll be able to go diving on oct 7 wkend. 7.30pm fri till 10.30pm sun. advanced open water. but i dun wanna go alone wif a whole bunch of adults n strangers! yy2 can't go (i think) cos she has to study for her tests and HCL o-level paper (only ONE o level paper! how fortunate). anyone out there who's free frm oct 7 and has alr gotten open water cert? fall flat on my face yay there's yellow watermelon and oranges.
I just realized something. i had a REVELATION. farah told me abt her experience with the ministers and the scholarship thing (very funni episode: ask her to tell u), and... >>> Why shld i bother to try to get S papers if there are no scholarships for medicine? not even the presidents' scholarship gives money for medicine, locally or overseas. and since i plan to study overseas... still, i'm stressed by all the reformed muggers in my class. (u noe who u r, u freaks!) ... whoa the lightning is really beautiful. it's been a long time since i saw such bright n frequent lightning... lights up the whole sky in purple-white light.
dead ppl really do look like they're sleeping. at least, my aunt did... went up to johor for her wake today. woke up early at 5 plus so tt we cld beat the morning traffic. got past customs quite quickly. by 8 we were alr at the place. first time i've ever seen a dead human being. my cousin looks uncannily like my dad. even his actions are like his. just returned from m'sia. haven't done any studying today. oh well. i haven't read anyth for chem spa on tues! shall start tmr.
asfhdsgn;sndg;hrohsdlfk;erjj*"@:~#=)*&^%$£"!@;#~ i seem to be cursing loads these few days. how am i s'posed to read Conrad and prepare for a content quiz when i haven't bought the bk? and it's alr the wkend. still so much left to mug. where am i gonna find time to read a stupid bk? arrgh. i ended up downloading the text online. will haf to find time to read the tiny, tiny print. i'd rather be anywhere but here. on a happier note, a crystal jade cakery has just opened in holland v. hopefully they sell my fave bread - translated frm cantonese: chicken tail bun, but DO NOT let the translation disgust u. i haven't eaten it since the last time i went to HK. the HK ones are the best. then again, HK food is on the whole way better than s'pore. i dun care at ppl might say abt laksa/rojak/curry/roti prata/etc tt one can't find in HK - i do not have a liking for any s'porean food. i eat it for the sake of survival. on oct 7 there's a trip to tioman organized by atlantis diving. i wanna go - fri to sun - and take my advanced open water, but it's so much more expensive than if we went there on our own to arrange the course. but if i dun go in oct, i won't be able to go to tioman to dive the rest of this yr cos of the monsoon season. alternative: phuket during the hols. stupid pw dates clash horribly with every single of my plans. right in the middle of nov - arrrrrghh!
note to the non-freaks who haf not mugged much: i haven't done a lot at all! watever i wrote on my list in the prev entry was watever i've looked at, however briefly. i have not begun memorising the notes/doing tys qns for those topics. the list was made so i cld feel slightly reassured of my (lack of) progress. as for the freaks: go to hell. @*~##@*^$%curses *&~#+@:# ytd: spent hrs (literally) doing the m4m essay (planning took more time than the actual writing), trying to hit 1200 words. eventually came up with 1,137. for some reason the qn paper had these words on it: 'write an essay of NO MORE than 1200 words'. do the tchrs expect us to write more than tt? i cldn't. 'AT LEAST xxx words' wld be more apt. a hint of a threat. today: spent almost 2 hrs writing the PC essay. conclusion: there is no love lost btwn me and essay-writing. i wld give anyth not to write anymore essays. ok, mebbe not anything, but... u get the picture. i rock a law suit when i 'm going to court a white suit when i'm getting divorced a black suit at the funeral home and my birthday suit when i'm home alone i don't seriously do that.
gosh it's already thursday. still as rainy as ever. a summary of wat i've managed to do so far: -Bio: all the way till translation + tpt in mammals + resp. [remaining: inherited changes, evolution] -Chem: frm chem bonding onwards till chem eqb [remaining: stoichio, mass spec, atomic struc, inoic eqb] -Math: bits of MI, bits of Complex no.s, bits of vectors [remaining: everyth else] -Lit: ... [remaining: 2 essays, Frost, M4M] Sounds quite ok (to me), but i haf a feeling some ppl haf alr done everyth at least twice or smth, but i shall restrain myself frm spewing a whole load of curses directed at these (freaks) ppl. stupid construction works outside my house. arrgh.
yesterday... entire morning: Bio - mitosis + meiosis, DNA replication, transcription, translation, transport in mammals. punctuated with breaks every few minutes to wander abt the house, a preferred way of spending time. my butt hurts frm all the sitting down. afternoon: IRA with mom to complain abt the ineffiecient and untrustworthy e-filing system. then to SPC. gym, then swimming. followed by a walk to TP Central for dinner. terribly crowded and noisy. today so far... 6 + am: woke up to write GP essay (tchrs who r reading this: see my dedication to schwk? i'm willing to sacrifice my sleep for it!). i'm now utterly convinced tt i am totally incapable of writing good essays, whether it's for gp or lit, or history/ss (in sec sch). wasted almost 2 hours on the essay, when I cld haf crammed lots of Chem into my head during that time. still haf 2 more essays to write - which means countless more hours of mugging time WASTED! arrgh. i hate it when tchrs give us so many assignments (esp essays), claiming tt we haf the hols to complete them, when they know very well that we haf loads of studying to do during above-mentioned hols. right now: doing wat i ought not be doing. later: chem too much sitting down makes me restless; too much mugging breeds resentment towards sch, schwk, teachers and the entire education system.
i rmb the days when i actually got excited over going to the zoo/bird park. those days belong to Lyn now. she's at the bird park wif my mom, and she seemed so excited at the prospect of it ytd. this morning she was awake and ready even before 8am. whereas i was, like, 'the bird park? again?' altho i can't even rmb the last time i've been there. nowadays only an overseas trip (m'sia/indonesia not counted. altho i really wanna go scuba diving at tioman again) will interest me. right now i'm thinking of Australia. Since i noe how to dive now, i'd love to go see the Barrier Reef properly. i also wanna learn to surf. aust will be a gr8 place to start. certainly not S'pore. surfing in S'pore? HAH. in your dreams. i SO prefer water sports. if only i were in some other country which has more than just one polluted, bobbing-with-rotten-fish Kallang river (ok, that's not the only place available, but still) where one can do stuff.
raining again... went swimming ytd afternoon (see? i'm realli trying to do wat i promised i wld [ ref prev entry. dunno which]). b4 tt jogged in the gym. also did some rowing on this rowing machine they haf. quite fun, altho not enough resistance. hope it stops raining so i can go swimming again later. gotta keep exercising if not when dance starts again i'll no longer be able to jump as high/ do any exercises properly. cos of muscle atrophy or smth. haha there's smth wrong with the mouse. the left button can't work. so i changed the config and now i'm right-clicking on everyth. feels weird. to kill a mockingbird... u find it, grab it, twist its neck.
'Procrastination is an under-appreciated talent'. - Jason Fox this morning at breakfast down at the market i spotted R.Lee and Seah S.H. 2 tchrs who teach at my sec sch. then i realized smth tt has always been blatantly obvious but which i was too blind to see... but i shan't say anyth more in case i get sued. and i doubt any present sc ppl read this at all so the news will nvr spread. not frm here anyway. if u dun haf a clue wat i just said, no matter. if u r an sc girl and noe who i'm talking abt and wanna find out details, ask. i hate rainy weather during the hols. just now my 2 sisters and grandmother and mom went to holland v cos my sisters had their repective music lessons. on the walk home (yep, i live at a walkable distance frm holland v, which is v convenient. but then again, anything is walkable as long as u haf the will and energy and no seas/oceans in btwn) they passed a sort of fun fair thingy at acs international and they wandered in to take a look. came out with many gr8 bks at only $1 each! now i haf more bks to read and to add to my shelves. back to chem.
HAHAHAHAHAHA effects of a joke i think only i found funny. ytd tagged on clare's lj pretending to be she-who-made-yummy-cookies. just now read some comments tt sounded really stressed. so here i am, owning up [notice i'm not actually apologizing]. seriously, i found it highly amusing. anyway. went to queenstown library today wif yy2 who ponned sch. brought my chem notes along. realized tt there are rules regarding study hours. self-study only allowed on weekdays frm 10am-2pm and 6-9 pm. wtf? who made those idiotic rules? after ard 2 hrs of studying wandered off to borrow bks. also helped lyn get some bks - mary-kate and ashley. sh'es still at the age where she's fascinated with those 2 twins in trenchcoats andt their dog named Clue. bleugh.
if i cld, i wld. disown my wrist, i mean. and preferably replace it with a bionic hand. to think i'd been so disillusioned as to hope tt it was recovering swiftly. i cldn't even get out of the pool the usual way today. i had to use the ladder. went to the gym to jog awhile before swimming. am determined to do as much exercise as mugging this hols. have run out of things to say for now. |
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